Wayne's "PSB Dreams"

You might think that someone who's as big—some might say as "obsessive"—a Pet Shop Boys fan as I am would have a lot of dreams about them. But that's not at all the case. Although I've been a major PSB fan since 1994, and have maintained this website and worked on it nearly every day since early 2001, I can recall only a few occasions when I've had dreams in which they were involved in some way. (Since, however, we remember only a fraction of our dreams, it's very likely that I've had other PSB dreams that I simply don't recall.)

In the event you might find these dreams interesting, I'd like to share them with you.

My first PSB dream, circa 1995-96

Chris and Neil had come for a visit to Minneapolis, where my partner George and I were living at the time. And for some reason they had come to visit us. While the four of us were seated in our living room chatting, we asked them whether there was any place in the Twin Cities area that they would like to visit as "tourists," and they replied that they would like to see the Mall of America. (The Mall of America is located in the Minneapolis suburb of Bloomington and was, at the time, the largest shopping center in the United States—which, I believe, is now no longer the case. It was so popular that, for a short time in the mid-1990s, it was the second-largest tourist attraction in North America, surpassed only by Disney World in Orlando, Flordia.)

So the four of us got in our car and drove down to Bloomington. When we got to the Mall of America, Neil and Chris were immediately impressed by the sheer size of the place: four storeys and over a mile in circumference, with more than 500 stores and 50 restaurants, plus an amusement park in the center. As we began to stroll around the mall, however, Neil quickly became somewhat blasé about it and thereafter downright bored. Chris, on the other hand, became increasingly excited and enthused. Before long he had begun a full-fledged shopping spree, spending thousands of dollars on clothes, hats, dark glasses, electronic gadgetry, and CDs. Soon all four of us found ourselves burdened with shopping bags full of his purchases.

I'm afraid I don't remember anything more about it than that.

A PSB dream circa 1999-2000

I am in many ways a rather anxious person. As a result I frequently have anxiety dreams, most of which are set back in my college years. I'll have a term paper due but I forgot to write it until the last minute, or I'm about to take final exam but I neglected to study for it. One such anxiety dream, however, concerned the Pet Shop Boys.

I was in charge of an outdoor concert or some other such event at which they were scheduled to perform. But nothing was going right. Neil and Chris were late in arriving, and when they did arrive, none of their equipment was working properly. I was running around frantically, trying to find people who could fix the problems. Meanwhile, the weather was steadily getting worse and threatening a tremendous thunderstorm any minute.

I woke up absolutely exhausted.

A PSB dream circa 2005-2006

I don't remember anything about this dream except that it involved a brand new PSB song that I had never heard before. And it was fantastic—not only one of the best of their career, but one of the best songs ever! I woke up with the melody of this wonderful song in my head! If I were a musician, I would have jumped up from bed, run to my piano, and gotten it all written down. But, alas, I'm not a musician, and I can't write music. I did my best to run the song over and over through my mind, hoping I would be able to remember it the next day. Then I fell back to sleep.

Unfortunately, when I awoke the next morning, I could remember having dreamed the song, but I couldn't remember the song itself. It was lost forever.

My PSB dream the night of September 26, 2008

I was watching a new PSB music video on television. It featured Neil singing while seated in a giant flying teacup that was maybe about three or four feet deep and about eight to ten feet in diameter. (Unfortunately, I don't remember a thing about the song itself except that it was uptempo and I liked it.) But the most interesting thing is who was in the teacup with him: none other than Vince and Andy from Erasure, appearing as non-performing guests in the video! They seemed rather disturbed by the experience, glancing around them in dismay as if they had no idea why they were there. And they were extremely eager to escape, but of course they couldn't because the teacup was mid-flight, high in the air with the English countryside passing below! Neil, meanwhile, just kept right on singing, completely oblivious to the Erasure guys' discomfort.

Chris didn't appear at all in the video until the very end, when the teacup landed on the ground. It was then revealed that Chris—wearing dark glasses, naturally, as well as shiny silver headgear that resembled an American football helmet minus the faceguard but with a short antenna on top—had been remotely piloting the teacup's flight using a control panel that appeared to be a cross between a synth keyboard and a recording studio's mixing board. Andy and Vince immediately hopped out of the teacup and scampered off to safety. Neil and Chris looked at each other and shrugged, apparently surprised that their guests should behave in such a manner.

And that's when I woke up.

My PSB Dream the night of November 28, 2008

This dream came shortly after Thanksgiving—a fact that, as you will soon see, is pertinent. I dreamed that Chris and Neil were on vacation, touring around the United States in a sports-utility vehicle. They decided to drop in for an unexpected visit to our home. As we greeted them, I noticed their mode of transportation and commented that we had sold our own SUV in order to reduce our carbon footprint.¹ The Boys came in and took seats next to each other. Both were dressed very casually in jeans, sweatshirts, and sneakers. Neil's sweatshirt was dark and plain, without any writing or design on it, whereas Chris's was lighter in color and had some large college emblem on it. Chris was also wearing a cap, while Neil was hatless.

We sat across from them and began chatting. I suddenly remembered my manners and asked them if we could offer them anything to drink. They asked if we had any beer, and I said yes, several types. But, unfortunately, we'd had to take all the beer out of our refrigerator to make room for Thanksgiving dinner leftovers.² Chris said that was just fine since they prefer their beer room-temperature anyway. (Was he just being polite?) Neil picked a pale lager and Chris chose a dark stout. As soon as I gave them their glasses and they took their first sips—and as I winced at the thought of drinking lukewarm beer—I woke up.

¹I find it extremely curious that my "dream self" would say such a thing. We've never owned an SUV, and although we're pretty eco-friendly guys (we recycle religiously and our house is full of energy-efficient light bulbs), I personally don't give a rat's ass about my so-called "carbon footprint."

²This, by contrast, is absolutely true-to-life. At the time I had this dream, our kitchen counter was stacked with various non-perishable items, including about a dozen cans and bottles of beer, that we had pulled out of the refrigerator to make room for leftovers. We'd also had a conversation about beer with our guests—George's brother and his family—over Thanksgiving dinner, so I guess beer was on my mind when I had this dream.

My PSB dream the night of April 13, 2009

Probably my weirdest PSB dream to date, yet one in which the Boys were involved only peripherally. I dreamed that, in addition to maintaining this website, I was also—get this—Superman. That's right: Superman's secret identity wasn't Clark Kent, but rather Wayne Studer. Or was I actually Clark Kent in my dream? Was it he and not Wayne Studer who ran this website? It's not altogether clear to me. Whatever the case, my own brother,* who was privy to my "dual life," had just betrayed me by revealing to my arch-enemy, Lex Luthor, that Superman maintained this website. Luthor, gleeful at the prospect of revealing to the world that Superman was clandestinely a high-profile, website-slinging Pet Shop Boys fan, was taunting me with the knowledge that I couldn't do anything to stop him. But I was far less upset with Luthor—from whom, after all, I couldn't expect any better—than I was with my brother for his terrible act of betrayal. I then woke up, so I don't know what happened next in my little comic book dream drama.

*OK, since Clark Kent doesn't have a brother, then I probably was Wayne Studer in the dream—unless, of course, in this alternate reality Clark Kent did have a brother. Oh, my head hurts just thinking about it.

My PSB dream the night of October 17, 2009

The Boys appeared only at the end of this one, which actually had very little to do with them. I dreamed I was watching a CNN TV news broadcast hosted by Anderson Cooper. He was reporting on a recent incident (a complete figment of my dream-imagination) in which singer-songwriter Don Henley—an artist whom I do like, although I wouldn't call myself a "fan"—had been seriously injured while taping a television appearance. He was performing mid-song when a violin-playing female member of his backup band suddenly stumbled and fell against some equipment, which collapsed atop her. Henley immediately stopped singing, dropped his guitar (which he does occasionally play, though he's better known as a drummer), and rushed over to try to help. Unfortunately, another large piece of equipment then fell on top of him, striking him in the head and knocking him unconscious. All of this had been captured on video, which was being shown on the CNN report.

Anderson Cooper went on to say that both Henley and the violinist had been rushed to the hospital, where it was announced that the woman had sustained only minor, non-life-threatening injuries. But Henley's injuries were much more serious. In fact, he was in a deep coma, and the doctors estimated the odds against his survival. In the event he did survive, he would almost certainly suffer the effects of severe, debilitating brain damage.

Cooper then began to interview other big-name musicians, getting their comments on this terrible incident. First he spoke briefly with Bruce Springsteen, who succinctly expressed both his dismay and his wishes for Henley's full recovery. Then, much to my surprise, Cooper then turned to the Pet Shop Boys for their comments. In fact, I was so surprised that it instantly jolted me awake. I therefore have no idea what Neil and/or Chris may have said about this horrible "dream accident" befalling their fellow pop star.*

*I suspect this dream may have been inspired by the real-life fact that, earlier that same day (October 17, 2009), the official PSB website had posted the Boys' sympathetic comments about the death and funeral of former Boyzone singer Stephen Gately.

By the way, I know that some of you are wondering this, so I'll just come right out and say it: No, I've never had an erotic dream about the Pet Shop Boys, either individually or together.

Frankly, they're not my type.

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