If Jesus Had a Sister

Writers - Tennant/Lowe
First released - 2024
Original album - none
Producer - Pet Shop Boys
Subsequent albums - (none)
Other releases - bonus track with the single "Dancing Star"

One of the bonus tracks with the "Dancing Star" single, this song starts slowly, ominously, with pronounced piano block chords, although the tempo picks up as the song progresses. It seems to assume that Jesus indeed did not have a sister, which is perhaps to be expected given Neil's Roman Catholic upbringing, and thanks in turn to the Catholic doctrine of the perpetual virginity of Jesus's mother Mary. (See the first bullet-point annotation below for more on this subject.) The narrator of the song—which in an imaginative, remarkably surprising twist at the end is revealed to be Judas Iscariot—suggests that a sister, if only he'd had one, might have helped bring Jesus back down to earth, so to speak. Judas muses that a sister might have helped "ground" Jesus more, deflating him of his messianic aspirations and encouraging him to adopt activities more practical (such as taking up a trade) than preaching and less dangerous than annoying "the authorities." In short, Judas believes that a sister might have been better able to dissuade Jesus from his self-destructive path than Judas himself has been able or willing to achieve. And he poignantly maintains that he wishes this only because he considers himself Jesus's friend.

It's important to point out that this song hinges on the concept that women—perhaps even more so than in the ancient world than today—are often more practical and realistic than the men in their lives. ("Get real, Mister!") More focused on the home and family than men, women are less prone toward delusions of grandeur (so to speak). Since Jesus's mother isn't any help in this regard ("… though she's very nice / She never seems to offer any sensible advice"), a sister might instead have been able to bring the aspiring Messiah around.

Of course, we know that Judas will ultimately betray Jesus, leading directly to his death. In this way, this song helps to explain Judas's mindset as he moves toward this outcome, which will also lead to his own death by suicide. Everything that he wants a sister to say to Jesus is what he himself wants to say. Judas's hopes for Jesus are as much for himself as for anyone else.

Annotations

Non-Catholics, such as many if not most Protestants, are more inclined to believe that Jesus may have had sisters, especially considering that unnamed sisters of Jesus are mentioned in the Bible (Matthew 13:56 and Mark 6:3). Even many Catholics concede that these may have been half-sisters or step-sisters, which enables them to hold fast to the doctrine of Mary's perpetual virginity. Ultimately, whether they are full sisters, half-sisters, or step-sisters—or even, as some suggest, cousins—must remain a matter of speculation and doctrinal belief.
Consideration as to why Judas betrayed Jesus—what his true thoughts and motivations were—has inspired writers (musical and otherwise) for centuries. Previous musical explorations of this subject include, among others, the 1970 Andrew Lloyd Webber/Tim Rice rock opera Jesus Christ Superstar as well as the 1991 U2 song "Until the End of the World." The attitudes expressed in the Pet Shop Boys' "If Jesus Had a Sister" are hardly new, but the approach of having Judas contemplate a possible sister of Jesus to express his own feelings is, to say the least, rather innovative.
"'Why don't you get a trade, too?'" – This question, put into the mouth of the sister imagined for Jesus by the narrator (Judas), overlooks the fact that, according to the Bible (Mark 6:3), Jesus was known to have indeed taken up his earthly father Joseph's trade as a carpenter: "Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary and brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?" (King James Version). Yes, there are those apparent sisters again. Incidentally, it may be worth noting that Neil had previously addressed the matter of Joseph being a carpenter in the verse he contributed to "Joseph, Better You Than Me," his 2008 Christmas collaboration with The Killers and Elton John.
"pride comes before a fall" – More commonly expressed in the shortened catchphrase "Pride goeth [or goes] before a fall," this line is a paraphrase of the biblical assertion from Proverbs 16:18, "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."
"Climbing up a mountain, preaching to one and all" – An allusion to Jesus's famous Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5, 6, and 7), which is commonly regarded as the essence of his moral teachings.
This track opens and closes with a sound that at first I thought was applause but which I actually believe is that of falling rain. Or is it the sound of burning flames, possibly suggesting Hell as the song's setting? In other words, are these lyrics the musings of Judas in Hell? They really don't read like that to me, but who knows? I hope Neil and/or Chris will enlighten us at some point as to what this sound actually is and why it's there.

List cross-references

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