Don't you know that the Pet Shop Boys aren't really gay? Neil "came out" in the 1990s only as a marketing ploy. And I've personally spoken to some of the many women Chris has bedded through the years.

Yeah, right, whatever. If believing that and sharing your belief with others helps you sleep at night, go for it. Just don't expect me to corroborate your fantasy.

If Neil himself can't convince you of his sincerity—such as by telling Attitude magazine "I am gay" (verbatim) back in 1994, not to mention countless other words and deeds since then—then there's nothing I can possibly say to change your mind.

As for Chris, I know full well that he has never said (at least publicly) that he's gay. For all I know, he may not be. It's really none of my business. But let me just say that, if he is indeed heterosexual, he's certainly done a magnificent job of hiding it all this time.